No… not that God-awful TV show…
My husband is traveling for work again this week, so I am home alone in my bachelorette-pad.
This trip has actually been much better for me than most. I’ve tried to be- you know- a social person and take advantage of my “me time.” I’ve hung out with friends, shopped, ate out way too much (okay, every meal)… I still haven’t cleaned, but that is certainly a task worth saving for the last night…
The down side is, nothing makes me feel like not-a-parent more than the fact I can’t keep the kids while my husband is away, per our newly updated custody agreement. So despite Sunday being the close of our weekend, we had to give the kids to BM before my husband left town. I didn’t get to spend the evening with them, keep them in their routine, give them baths, read to them, or tuck them in. I didn’t get to wake them up, get them ready, feed them, and take them to school Monday… just like I always do. I also won’t get them tonight or tomorrow night, like we would if my husband was in town. And since this is her weekend, I won’t even see the kids until Monday! Monday. That’s 8 days without seeing them. That’s longer than we’ve ever gone, as long as I can remember! She’s never even taken them for a vacation that long.
I feel terrible for my husband too… I know how much he misses them… but at least he can call them. I’m just in our house with all of their things, looking at their room, wallowing in self-pity. Okay, that’s a little extreme… but hopefully you’re picking up what I’m putting down.
And also- out of respect for the BMs out there- please know I do understand why BM wanted first right of refusal if my husband is out of town. I totally get it, and venture to say I’d have similar feelings if the roles were reversed… this reflection is all about the reality of what it all means in regards to my role in the kids lives… not about BM or the custody agreement.
My husband hates that sometimes my blog posts are sad but the reality is, some things are sad! This is a sad week. It’s sad I’m home without all three of them. It’s sad that I’m not trusted to keep the kids in their routine without their Dad being present. It’s sad that I don’t have any rights to them, and that I can’t even call them to speak to them.
I miss my family this week. This week is lonely. This week is a painful reminder of the worst parts of my reality.
This blog is self-reflection… BUT instead of actually wallowing in self-pity, I will keep doing what I’ve been doing. I’ll keep hanging out with friends, shopping, binge watching shows, and ignoring the weight of what this week represents. I will still miss my family, but I will pray that come Monday, this week will have felt like it flew by.