The Long Stretches

Because of the way my husband’s work schedule was at the time the custody agreement was created (and because of BM’s unwillingness to make adjustments without going back to court), we end up having a 6 day stretch where we don’t see the girls about once a month.

“The long stretches.” The weeks where I crave their company the most. The weeks I cannot do a simple household task without picturing them there to do it with me (such as folding clothes… our 2 year old loves to help me fold clothes).

The days I look back at their empty car seats, and feel tears well up in my eyes because I wish they were there to sing with me. The days I can’t even go into their room without feeling sick to my stomach, because their beds are empty and their toys are all put away. Because their room doesn’t look lived in.

The moments my husband calls them to tell them goodnight, but I can’t talk to them (Flip side: The moments my husband tries to call them, but BM totally ignores him). The moments I listen to our babies tell their Daddy how their day was, and how much they love him.

The times where it is just painful to not have them in my arms. The times where I could break down and cry because I miss them so much. These are my least favorite times. These are the times where being in a blended family hurts the most. It’s not how high-conflict BM is, or how chaotic decision making can be… it’s the long stretches when I can’t even talk to our beautiful, smart, hilarious daughters.

Thank God we are at the end of a long stretch. After work tonight, I will have the girls in my arms for four days straight. Our family will be whole again, together at last.

While the long stretches are painful, I praise the Lord for the moments we have.

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