Why is it so incredibly hard to “let go” sometimes?
Literally the day that I posted Headphones, my husband received an email from BM that sent me spinning. I tried to take my own advice, process my anger internally, put on my metaphorical headphones, and let it go… Well, apparently that didn’t work, because then my husband just asked me 146 times why I was “in a bad mood.”
Nothing like someone asking why you’re in a bad mood, to put you in a bad mood…
So, then I cried in the car while the girls were behind me and couldn’t see me. I was so upset! There’s nothing like an email full of lies and manipulative demands to just really put me over the edge.
But I know that everything in that email was either false or petty (mostly both). So why couldn’t I just let it go? Why is letting go so difficult?
She definitely sent that email with the sole purpose of pissing us off. It did affect me, so she won this battle. Check. Why do I let her do that? Why do I let her emotionally deprive me of my happiness? It is so frustrating!
Although my night was only briefly stifled, she took away more “happy time” than I ever should have allowed. I’m making progress in my emotional response time… in the time it takes for me to cool down once I’m heated… but this is certainly just progress, not perfection.
After the weekend passed, more back-and-forth occurred between my husband and BM, and tensions were still high, I ended the weekend in an emotionally strong place. She doesn’t run me, us, or the kids. She will never ruin my time with the kids, and she will never scare me away.
She’s hurting, years later, and still taking it out on my husband and ultimately, the kids. I will continue to show her grace, even when she is consistently showing none in return. I will continue to pray for her. I cannot force her to “let go,” but I can continue in my journey to do so when the going gets tough.
And when all else fails, take this great advice…
I’ve got this under control. Check Mate.