Five Things: Boundaries

Hey, Friends! I’ll just hop right to it with this week’s Five Things: Boundaries.

ONE: Last Sunday, my husband and I took a date day to some local cideries and breweries, while BM had taken the kids for vacation in Florida with her parents. BM- who never texts my husband unless it’s [a complaint] about [him or] the kids- decided she would try to be best friends with him and vent to him about traveling with her parents, making comments about the past and how she knew he hated traveling with her parents. *Cue, another date interrupted by BM* Then a couple of days later, she text him several pictures of the kids, including one of her with my youngest step daughter… it had a caption something to the effect of, “Sorry for a pic of me! You can crop me out LOL.” Seriously Lord have mercy… boundaries, people…

TWO: My one coworker who really just grinds my gears… I’ll call her Buttercup… she means well, but she misses some all social cues… Anyway, today, my work BFF CML and I were chatting with another coworker by our cubes… then, Buttercup started loudly laughing with our conversation, as it she was trying to get into it. Mind you, Buttercup sits on the other side of the cubes and therefore couldn’t see us, or actually participate in the conversation. But nonetheless, she kept on laughing every time we laughed… Girl, boundaries… come on. Update: As I have been writing this, Buttercup is singing out loud at her desk. That is all.

THREE: I serve as an advisor for a chapter of my sorority. I’ve been newly appointed the “supervisor” of the advisory board for almost a month now, and let me tell you, these women have no clue what boundaries [or preparation] mean. These poor girls want to do the right thing so bad, but cannot turn in paperwork before a deadline to save their lives… then they result in emailing, Facebook messaging, and texting me and other advisors until we respond. They’re literally about 15 minutes away from getting the “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” speech. We’re about to have a hard core boundaries talk…

FOUR: I saw this quote (below) referencing boundaries in an Instagram I follow, and I love it. Although BM is not high-conflict with me, she definitely blames me for the fact that her and my husband never worked things out. I think that over the past two years, I’ve done a good job of showing her compassion, and of setting healthy boundaries. I am constantly challenging myself to be at peace with the things that are out of my control, and I think I have come a long way in that journey. I cannot control her crazy, but I can document. Mental-Health-Saving Boundaries…

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FIVE: My husband and I are both very careful about who we “let in,” and I think that continues to save us time and time again. Y’all, cut ties with people who are causing you more harm than good! Your inner circle should not contain 15 “best friends.” That goes for family too… my husband is constantly reminding me that I should not continuously reach out to a family that never reaches out to me. Protect yourself and what is important to you, whether that’s a spouse, kids, etc. Guard your heart, because once it’s broken, it’s no easy task to super glue back together.

So what type of boundaries do you have in place for your mental health, protection, etc.?

Have a great week!

-Ashley

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2 thoughts on “Five Things: Boundaries”

  1. Love this! I truly believe in boundaries, especially after seeing a difference in my family life after keeping some distance. For me, I have found the necessity to keep boundaries between family to save my mental health. Mostly with the in-laws and my husbands relatives, all who have either caused major issues within our step-family or who are to involved In plain old drama. There is always some kind of drama in that family and I do my best to stay away from it!

    I have cut off social media like FB, which I believe is a big time waster anyways. As well as no longer connect with some family via IG or any other form of social network. It creates private space and eliminates unnecessary drama over a stupid post kind of crap. I also rarely ever talk over the phone or text. Only when necessary and that is it. They will FaceTime to see their granddaughters including my daughter, but I keep it strictly to that. And if I’m not in the mood to talk I simply don’t answer a FaceTime to keep some distance.

    It makes it easier when visiting them to not feel overwhelmed and like they are in every part of my life, like before. It was bad that I had things I shared exploited and used against me later on, so I don’t get very personal with them either anymore. Subject matter is usually always surrounded around the grand kids and that is it. Though when it comes to my daughter, I keep things solely under my responsibility to avoid others butting in. They have gained more control than necessary over my step-daughters that I keep a wall slightly to protect my own daughter. I do have to say that I think they have started to respect space when it comes to me and my own daughter, I feel it has become an unspoken boundary they have been forced to abide by. So boundaries can truly be a healthy way of gaining and keeping respect in certain situations.

    Liked by 1 person

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