Cutting Ties

Isn’t it in “The Rulebook” somewhere that when a couple splits- especially when it’s high-conflict, you are supposed to cut ties with the person you met through the other one? For example, if your friend and his partner split, you’re supposed to cut ties with the partner, correct?

Okay, maybe that’s petty, but honestly it keeps the peace and is just an understood, “It is what is is” aftermath of any sort of breakup. I’ve lost many friends in previous breakups, because they were my ex’s friends first. It stings a little, but life goes on.

Seriously though, if you meet your husbands-coworkers-wife, see her around for a few years, then they divorce, don’t you just cut ties? Not directly like “DO NOT EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN,” but don’t you just sort of pull away? That’s natural, right?

BM is the epitome of the “woe is me” persona. Always the victim, always seeking attention, never telling the whole truth. And when they split, she went on a rampage to try and “keep their friends on her side.” For the most part, this was a huge deterrent for people, and they pulled away from her. But for some, they yielded her cries of “the victim” and stayed connected. Which meant my husband backed away from them. Not a huge issue, until someone becomes a social media spy for BM. Or until someone posts “throwback pictures” of them hanging out referencing “the good ol days.” I can assure you that no matter how much fun you were having, neither your friend BM, nor my husband would consider those times the “good ol days.”

So, after two years, that acquaintance [as I call her] got the good ol Facebook “BLOCK.” She’s so nice to me in-person, and to be honest, I didn’t even care that she was serving as BM’s spy. But after seeing that line drawn in the sand, I knew it’s what needed to be done.

But why am I writing about this? Is this just a petty vent session? Nope, not this time…

Boundaries are so, so important. I hear and read from people all the time how they failed to set boundaries, and now they’re paying the price. This is not just important for people in my situation, dealing with a high-conflict BM… This is important for everyone.

Don’t let others in who are not worthy. Keep your inner circle small, but mighty. If someone is contributing more hurt than happiness to your life, let them go! If someone is posting things that genuinely upset you, get rid of them! Seriously, life is too short!

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For those in similar situations to me, you know it’s hard enough to pave your own way in a divorced man’s life. Protecting your relationship is everything! Protect it with everything you have! And if that means sometimes, you have to be “petty” as some would say and literally “delete” someone, then so be it.

Will I be rude to this person the next time I see her? Of course not. But do I know where she stands? Absolutely. And that’s fine with me.

I will rise above, and maybe others out there will follow my lead.

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2 thoughts on “Cutting Ties”

  1. I agree with you about setting boundaries and keeping your circle small, and I am sure that I am the “BM” from their point of view (my recent and ex and his new live-in girlfriend)

    I had to do the same from his friends and family. Once we filed for divorce, I tried to be nice and polite and unfriend most of them with a note of explanation. I wasn’t being reactive, or vindictive, I just felt that during this time I needed my privacy and space, and didn’t want to create any further conflict. Nobody seemed to be upset or angry and a few even reached out to me to let me know they understood and would hope that we could be “friends” again in the future when the smoke cleared.

    That was wonderful…until he was getting up to date reports on anything I posted, anywhere. They have to actually look at my page to find things, it’s not popping up in their feed any longer. That includes freaking Pinterest! So now, I’ve had to block them all from any and all accounts that I have in the universe to save my sanity and to stop his ignorant texts and emails regarding my “social media activity” – because he is an old man and still believes in rotary dial phones LOL
    My point is, it happens on both ends, whether someone claims to be the victim or not. People are just nosey.
    Bottom line.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree 100%!! It can happen in either direction! My concern wasn’t as much that there was a social media spy… It was the recent post referencing the past “wishing” they could go back to those days. Felt like a line in the sand! We all (no matter what the situation is) have to maintain appropriate boundaries for our mental health! ❤ I love your blog!

      Liked by 1 person

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