Inadequate.

Do you ever just feel like you’re not enough? Not doing enough, not worth enough, etc…

I do, sometimes. I think it’s normal. But that doesn’t make it sting any less.

Right now, my focus is my family. I want to be the best wife and stepmama possible. But how am I doing?

Do I give enough? Do I lead by example? Am I coming across positive, or do I just look stressed out all the time? [I don’t feel stressed, but sometimes things get pretty crazy!]

Do I focus my energy on what matters, or do I get too easily wrapped up in the little things?

Am I showing enough grace?

Do I know enough about raising toddler? Should I read more any toddler parenting books? Am I screwing them up forever by letting them eat a fruit roll up at 7:30pm?

Do I show my husband how much he means to me everyday? I want him to see how much I love him every single day. Does that transpire?

Do I pull my weight around the house, or does he feel like he does it all? [Cue, self-conscious Ashley because I don’t cook often at all…]

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And then, the nonsensical hypotheticals and comparisons come into play…

Will I ever be seen by my husband’s family and friends as my husband’s wife, or will I always just be “his new wife?”

Is the picture his parents still have up in their living room from his first wedding a sign that they want me gone? Or is that just their most recent family picture? [Thank God she’s not in the picture lol] [Okay I’m probably definitely overthinking this one]

Will the girls ever love me like they love their bio-mom? Do they/will they ever really consider me a mama to them? Who’s going to take care of me when I’m old? Are they going to be there for me, or are they going to put me in a nursing home and never visit?

These questions can go on and on… Then, I stop and reflect. I think about what I know, and what I’ve learned along the way. Things I’ve read, been told, and found out the hard way…

You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.

The kids won’t remember every small detail, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Your husband absolutely adores you, and constantly tells you how thankful he is for you. So why would you question how you’re doing as a wife?!

Your husband’s family loves you, and tells you so all the time.

It really doesn’t matter what friends acquaintances think of you.

You’re a newlywed. Of course you are the “new wife” right now (duh, Ashley). Only time can make that disappear.

Comparisons are completely stupid in this scenario. Obviously your husband loves everything about you or he wouldn’t have married you. So seriously, Ashley, cut that comparison shit out.

I think the female brain is wired to totally sabotage us every chance it can get. Come on, God, why’d you do that to us?! [Oh yeah… freaking Eve…]

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Life is so good. Just do the right thing, it’s simple. Be kind, be patient, be loving. Only be concerned with yourself and your family. Take things one day at a time. Take a breath. It’s all good.

So the next time you’re feeling inadequate, remember, you’re doing better than you think. You are loved. You are healthy. You are beautiful. You’ve got this!

And to those of you lucky enough to have a loving, caring, sexy-as-hell husband like mine… go home tonight, give him a little squeeze on the butt, and tell him how much you love him.

stepmom

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2 thoughts on “Inadequate.”

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