You know those times where it just feels like everything is working out… like everything is going to be okay?? That’s where I’m at in life right now. And it’s awesome.
This story isn’t going to seem that way at first but trust me, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
I get so wrapped up in anxiety about the girls and our family so often. We’re on the brink of picking a school district for the oldest to start Kindergarten in… we live about 15 minutes from bio-mom, but we’re in different school districts. Joint legal and joint physical custody. So how do we choose?! Will this choice ultimately give whoever’s school district they’re in the “upper-hand” if we end up back in court down the road? If we choose bio-mom’s school district, are we ultimately giving her primary physical custody?? Are we putting the nail in our coffin?! As it is, despite having joint physical custody, we only get the girls 10 overnights a month. Bio-mom refuses to give us any more time than we already have with the girls, and says she will not agree to changing the current schedule unless she gets them EVEN MORE of the time- overnight every school night. We already don’t get them half the time… we would lose SO MUCH precious time with them. So much. And it kills me to think about. It seriously keeps me up at night. Why would she do that to us?? Why would she want to keep them from their kick-ass Dad??
Then it hits me. The calm I so desperately crave. It will all work out. The custody agreement will not change unless it is agreed upon in mediation, or fought for in court. NONE of us want ANY of that. So chill out, Ashley. *That’s what I tell myself.* No matter which school they go to, we will make it work. We will get them there and pick them up just fine. We will all have to make some changes, but they’ll be changes that work best for everyone. So what if she already thinks she has primary legal and physical custody of the kids… she doesn’t! So brush it off, Ashley. No big deal. I release these feelings when I’m in the shower. The steam comes over me and I just feel so free. Free from my thoughts, doubts, and worries. I pray for us. I pray for bio-mom. I pray that these girls will ultimately look back on their childhood and see they had 3 strong role models as parents their entire lives. (Hopefully 4 if and when bio-mom settles down again!).
This blended-family-journey is not for the weak, and I know I am strong. My husband and I are strong. Our family is strong, and whereas I could choose to spend all of my free time pondering the what-if’s, I will instead focus on what is. I will focus on time with my family, and follow my husband’s lead in knowing that everything will work out. Life is messy, but life is so, so good.